Draft Day 2020
Introvert does not mean quiet or shy or timid.
Stop telling people who they are.
Who I am and how you see me may not be the same.
I was real critical, skeptical of Ye last year. I couldn’t wrap my head around worship led by Kanye West because I was wrestling with what a building wanted me to believe about expression. If we’re not careful, we’ll trade God for religion and we’ll miss Him every time.
My brothers, these things ought not to be so.
Ya'll toxic and unaware and I love you anyway.
Always been very gifted, but I was arrogant + unteachable. You can’t build and won’t grow that way. #MoreLife
The older I get the more I understand that women have it right.
It's men and their refusal to evolve.
Intent. Grow. Provide. All three or leave her alone.
My mom used to tell me, "If you don't, can't love him the same then leave him be so another woman can." Dance For You Dom was not hearing her though.
I'm tired of hearing male pastors tell women how to wait well; it's manipulation of platform. Talk to your brothers. Teach them.
I'm allowed to grow at the pace and on the path God sets for me.
Actually, I’m the problem. I got offended and it was easier to turn my nose up at you then it was to dig around to find and uproot my hurt spaces.
Most of us need journals, so we can get healed, not platforms to echo and cement our foolishness.
I'm finding a lot of peace in telling folks to leave me alone. Not with bite, resentment or bitterness, just real to the point - leave me alone. You aren't welcome in my space.
Not Prop Joe.
This shit is mad illegal McNulty.
MCNULTY 🤦🏽♀️
How do I unlearn my customer service voice? Not the kindness, just the performance of it all.
It really is what you say, what you think about yourself that limits you. So, yeah maybe that's not your lot in life, but despair probably isn't either.
Thankful God does not buy the crap I try to sell. #MoreLife
Be yourself, I promise you it’s easier. Folks will come around or get left behind, either way getting them onboard is not your problem.
there's a couple of caveats here.
I been fly; I'm just late to the party.
I like making money. Shame on me for believing whoever told me righteous meant poor.
I'm leaning into sky blue and other soft hues these days.
Becoming is something.
Spotify finally got my money.
Detroit 2 is a solid follow up to I Decided.
Curly girls, yes, get a diffuser.
Some things don't change.
You make up stories when you don't have any.
Every now and again I'm reminded that we are not built the same.
And I’m for it, but every once in awhile that understanding cuts me deeper than anticipated, and it takes me a minute to bounce back.
I’m not matching energy.
Joe Budden is a lot of things, but crazy is not one of them.
I'm not preforming today.
Empathy is difficult.
re: Brene Brown
"Moment I stop having fun with it I'll be done with it"
re: Girlfriends rewatch, S1E19. Toni - I think I’m being harsh.
I'm 28 today. I'm happy to have made it.
092220
28 days of fun
Words mean things and have functions.
Function matters.
Gotta ignore sucka behavior.
re: Tory Lanez
I love God more now than I did at 22. Honestly, I didn't even think it was possible.
I retract most statements made about Tyler Perry during my late teens & early twenties.
Fear of God functions - feels different when it's birthed (cultivated & nourished) from relationship (love) and not shame, control, and manipulation.
Don't cheat yourself.
Dominique, don't cheat yourself.
Life is too short to stay mad.
I was an asshole today.
If I'm flexing and it's for me.
I want the life God promised me; i'll never sacrifice it again.
Still thinking about The Wire.
And Last Black Man in San Fransisco
And If Beale Street Could Talk
"Unimpressed but I love to see a Black man get paid"
re: Girlfriends
There is zero chemistry between Joan and William.
She's settling.
I've always liked Darnell 2.0
Different is just different, and different doesn't require your opinion or judgement.
Stop offering your judgement for what you don't understand. Ask questions. Ask questions to learn, not to rebut.
"Single season" was a phrase I never used to use.
And my friends teased me for it. "Maneater," they called me. "Noncommittal" - but it wasn't that. I just knew what God had for me, and that was enough for me to not bother with settling. I'm getting back to that.
I get flashes of advice I've received and all I feel is rage. Rage that people can be so far the mark then it's immediately followed by sympathy - maybe it's understanding? I'm still processing my way through it. I do know people can and will continue to be wrong and that's okay. They can be wrong and I can love and respect them while throwing their advice in the trash. Those things aren't mutual exclusive. How freeing.
say less
re: Girlfriends
I reeeally like Darnell 2.0.
I hope Joan gets married.
I'm happy Lynn is finding her way her way.
Joan & Toni rarely seem in sync with the now of each other.
Joan is a "victim" because she takes long suffering to the Olympics.
And while I think Joan was wrong, I would've stopped calling.
I'd much rather Joan & Maya say, "I don't understand," then to pass judgement with their help.
All I can do is tell you what it is.
It does start in the home with your family.
I'm angry at God for the life He keeps offering me, for the gifts He's unwrapping, but I'm unwilling to turn away from Him. I'm not sure what to do with that.
Because I like my cottage, even though it's too small to hold me. I like it.
So, He follows me. He meets me in every cave and shadow to declare that it's time and will be time no matter how far I run.
How do I tell Spotify that I like more than the 30 songs he plays me daily?
A friend reminded me today that my why is reconciliation with the Father.
Thank you.
“I don’t know who needs to hear this…”
It’s you. You need to hear it. If other people needed to hear it too, then you’d say it without posturing.
Stop doing this. You're wasting words.
Don’t risk the bag.
Stop risking the guaranteed bag.
If God said then go do. Stop talking and collect.
re: Girlfriends
Mara’s Netflix deal means movie.
Less refined sugar. Little to no dairy. Go to sleep. Move your body.
Buy new bras, new panties - sis, make sure they fit. Throw the old out.
Therapy sucks. I’ma keep going though.
Summer is Beyoncé's best.
I wanna restore a car; my manicure feels differently.
I'm not ready for a next and that's okay.
Jim didn't misinterpret and Pam knew that too.
I'm a fine ass, dope ass woman in real life.
This here is just a taste.
I think I'll dance again.
It's important to me that I ask for what God wants.
I don’t want to be busy, I want to be impactful - purposeful.
I’ve been busy lately, and I know busy is my form of running.
Busy isn't a flex I'm into anymore.
re: Lovecraft Country
The modern nods are too much. It's like 2020 cosplaying 1950.
This quickly fell a part.
Albeit different, Watchmen is better.
Yes to most things sampling, "Making Love in the Rain"
Ask for what you're worth. Even if afraid, ask.
Mean girl antics did a number on me.
I been at this a long time.
I think we have to become better, more settled in the difference between new to this and new to you. And even less defensive when "new to you" situations arise.
New to someone else doesn’t void the years under your belt.
Religion will not rush nor slow me.
I'm waiting for the right moment to pull the "you know the vibes" card.
My best days are ahead of me.
The best days are ahead of me.
say less.
know yourself, know your worth
I'm not sharing thoughts on pilots or trailers.
re: say less.
It's never about clicks with me; that game guarantees a loss.
I'm not anti numbers. I'm saying you need message, meaning - conviction that roots you to something deeper than popularity.
I've got all the records ya'll snatched offline stashed on a hard drive, and I'm coming with requests to loop them during interviews because history matters.
Your journey matters, and it will be honored by being properly told.
I love the church. I really do.
We're going to talk about Drake.
I don’t have to make it work.
Just because I - you can doesn’t mean I - you should. Say no. Decline.
Album fire. Album artwork trash.
Don't allow the internet to press you into conversation or debate.
Tensions are high, you can say nothing. You can wait and temper your words.
I have to write, even when I don't want to.
words of affirmation
I've seen more than few episodes of KUWTK and I didn't hate them.
Scranton is a real place. wow.
What a time to be alive.
I don't know if we ever stop telling God who we are.
I like to think that if we were more candid about process & weights carried then people would lust less for position and gifting because there'd be more understanding of what else comes along.
Collectively, we have to understand that accolade, anointing, influence, shine, power, position, etc. all come at a cost. And the cost is high because it's your life.
God given comes with unshakeable burdens and a revolving breaking of your will and way for His.
I in no way want to deter anyone - you should desire more. You should ask God for more and for gifts, but what’s your heart motive? Why are you comparing, competing and crying for these things?
re: covetousness & character
Get sober so you can stop asking for what you aren't built for.
Half & Half has been my favorite rewatch thus far.
I choose Chase.
2016 I thought I’d never get back to the place I was at with music, and I didn’t; I ended up somewhere better, deeper and richer.
I’ve made it to One on One. There too is a PSA episode about safe sex and HIV awareness. I’m curious about the impact of these television themes on millennials.
Actually, I think Toy Story is my favorite Disney movie.
Read more. You’ll be a better writer, a better rapper, a better communicator.
Then practice and filter it through healthy systems so that your authentic voice rings loudest.
I’m no longer afraid of myself.
Replay value matters. I buy what I replay.
rarely is that what’s trendy
I like bops, but I like story more.
what is you saying, what is you telling me?
Wale’s catalog sounds a lot better than I’d remembered.
All year, I’ve been wrestling with what it means to love your neighbor after failure and offense.
re: Boundaries
a year ago i was counting change
re: One on One
Arnez was a better boyfriend when he wasn't one.
This is the rewatch I was most looking forward to, and it’s been my least favorite. That final season is terrible.
I want a Bow Wow project.
I’ve heard a few of his recent records. He’s talented, but lyrically skimming the top and sounding like Bow playing trendy.
Who are you?
re: self-care
I’m learning how to play chess.
I don't talk about what hurts online. I don't always get it right - the petty gets me some times 🥴 but it's a decade+ code I live by because I don't need strangers touching my wounds or clapping for my foolishness. I need God. You do too.
re: say less
The clearer I get about who God says I am the more time I spend telling myself to shut up and repenting because I lost control and let my mouth be loud and wrong.
re: say less
Ya'll talk too much, too loudly, and too often about all the wrong things to all the wrong people and in all the wrong spaces.
You are the problem. Your mouth is the problem. Stop talking.
A lot of what we call “keeping it real” is bitterness, gossip, and slander which you are not entitled to share.
re: say less
Take it offline.
I don’t trust anyone arguing against Jay-Z.
I wouldn’t have watched Grand Army had I known its premise.
re: #MeToo
Writer’s room drama aside, I too want to see Black characters growing without their growth being attached to poverty. Is this even possible?
spotted - Degrassi alum. Hi, Daniel Morrison.
dawg, "it gets worst before it gets better" applies to skincare too. Everything has a process - the foolery.
I'm in album mode.
I get to do cool, epic shit with the kindest of people, and it's an honor.
I've learned "not for everybody" means releasing false burdens.
I like Russ’ music. There’s critique I could offer about his approach to sharing his viewpoints, but the bits about ownership I get.
Giving Tidal another try.
Spotify is learning what I like.
Procrastination is tied to disbelief.
“I don’t believe I’m capable, so I avoid trying.”
I’m convinced that the timeless Drake project I’m waiting for will come once he fully processes his hurt about the industry & mentors.
NWTS is the closest to timeless he has now.
Honestly, the manicures just smooth over the sting of Jesus + therapy.
I will not buy anymore books for myself in 2020. Say it with me, “I will not buy anymore books for myself in 2020.”
I bought more books. 🥴
Shame is a coping mechanism.
I cut my notifications back off. I know why I cut them back on, and that worked for then, but removed from that moment, no. Cutting them back off frees me from sentiments about obligation & loyalty I'd started to slip into that truthfully just betray my boundaries.
re: authenticity
“The new me is the old me and I missed her a lot.”
God changes everything - preference, personality, plans, if you let Him.
re: "This is just who I am."
simple
: not elaborate or artificial; plain
"One riot, one Ranger."
I miss hugs.
And coffee shop hangouts.
And libraries.
When my words are dense, I'm still processing. I haven't learned enough or understood well enough to teach.
re: say less
Don’t speak with food in your mouth.
“A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back”
Proverbs 29:11
The more I learn about character the less I want to talk about it.
I think ‘character’ becomes a buzzword when we take positions of authority without first living the experience.
I don’t want to share or to teach theory. I want to share and teach what’s proven through my life.
re: I want people to know Jesus.
Unforgiveness blinds.
Streaming with commercials is somehow comforting.
“You don’t know where you’re vulnerable until you fail.”
Scorpion is absolutely ridiculous. Am I binge watching episodes though? Absolutely.
I am long form content personified.
I won’t live a double life. I refuse, and that comes with criticism.
Folks really just be talking, burning bridges and offending people in the process.
I say this from a been there, done that space, not a holier than thou one.
Your mouth will 100% talk you out of opportunities and relationships if you do not learn how to manage your words. You do not need to share every thought, observation or opinion.
re: say less
“Ask questions. Do your research.”
Right here. Here is holy.
I'm bouncing back, and I'm not even gonna be able to share the prayer because I had no words, just tears.
Just God. Just Jesus.
White Post It notes are the organization piece I’ve been missing.
I like when people say, "It's not my preference," then decline to offer commentary or critique. To me, that's a signal of knowledge and understanding.
Gotta ignore sucka behavior.
Because from a distance people can't tell who is who.
People are why people don't come to know Christ.
Some people are downright nasty ’in Jesus name’ yet perpetually confused as to why others don't want to get to know their savior. It's you. Your representation of Christ is why people keep slapping your invitation to the ground.
Solid people are just solid.
I've slowed up on what I repost + who I follow. Consuming then serving proven + pure content is more important to me than getting empty, petty quotables off.
It's irresponsible to blindly champion and share.
re: do your research
I want to stand confidently behind what I endorse. There's room for change - I can always change my position; however, I don't want to make a habit out of wavering.
I need 40,000 people to see what I'm on
We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope.
Romans 5:3
I'm not accountable to the opinions & projections of strangers.
Neither are you. Free yourself.
stranger
: a person with whom one has had no personal acquaintance.
It’s a thin line between owning your accomplishments and pretense.
Caught up on Power II.
Professor dude is a simp and his "girlfriend" is equally stupid.
Ain’t no way that you can ever get me down. We ain’t the same, I’m moving different now..never coming down again…never doubt again
I'm not afraid of failure; I fail a lot, and it bothers me less than I pretend it does. I'm afraid of success because what then?
How many relationships did you ruin while running from God?
I think maybe I'm not an enneagram 3. But possibly a 4 with a really dominate wing 3.
This is somehow incredibly freeing.